Boyfriend material
by KING UNDER DOG
Summary: Colin never wanted more than the simple life he had, still didn't. But Unfortunately everyone else around him seemed to think his life was missing a special something. And for some reason a bunch of lunatics (including his mom) thought some buck toothed girl was juuuuuust right for him. Dear lord, help him, he's somehow attracted the attention of the loud family.


first off, I'm not king underdog so don't even bother asking me when he's gonna update his other stories.

I'm a friend of his that if borrowing his old lab top and saw that this account was still on.

I've always liked and read his stories.

Especially steamy ones o/o...

So this was just me giving it a shot.

This is Fluff, not smut!

XXXXXXXXXXXX

My life was not perfect. It was average at best and hum drum at worse.

But in a odd sort of way I kinda like it the way how it is.. Or at least was..

I'm not really even sure how to even really go into details about how it all started to change, heck I'm only writing this journal now to help my future self remember what being in a normal life was like before it got all crazy.

Or at the very least have a entertaining story for my future grand kids.

Well, I guess a good place to start with is myself if I'm gonna be writing about my life.

Let me just stop you right there if you've started imagining me as soon misunderstood teen with looks that could make movie star's jealous.

Nope, not even close, sorry future grandkids if you take after me but I don't really have much to work with in the looks department aside from just being some what plain looking.

No defined chin or cheek bones, super cool scares or ripped muscles, just some scrawny looking kid with a hair cut that looked like it belonged back in the 80's.

I Guess that's what I get for always letting dad cut my hair, but hey it beats spending 10 whole bucks at the barber shop right?...

I can already till my future self is cringing at reading this. Sigh.

Did I really just write the word *sigh*?

Whatever, I don't really think it matters but since I'm already writing I might as we say a couple more things about myself cause... Well who knows when I'll finally read this journal when I done with it, maybe by then I'll be old and grey with a couple grandkids who want read about their old pop-pop's life.

So yeah, here's my life is guess.

I'm well kinda boring to be brutally honest, I mean I have a couple hobbies like every other guy but I'm not really the out going type you know?.

I mean whats the point really, at my age most kids are either glued to their phones or doing stuff either really stupid to borderline illegal.

So why bother socializing you'know?.

Okay now I sound kinda stuck up, but hey at least I'm selfaware enough to admit it right?.

Fine I'll be honest for once here.

I'm kinda, just a tiny little bit of a reclusive.

Not toooo serious of one, you won't see me looking up internet conspiracy's with a tin foil hat over my head, I mean I stay in my room alot but I'd like to thinks its mainly out of boredom than some sort of "internalized fear" of the outside world.

Yeah, air quote's .

Cause that's not really a real thing. It's just what my mom calls me not wanting to spend more than a couple hours away from home even if it's just school.

That I need to associate with my peers more in order to mature into a well adjusted member of society.

I swear after just one Dr. Phil marathon and all of a sudden mom starts talking like she's got PHD's in child psychology.

Sigh.

Look it's not that I don't like people okay, I just... Preferred being left alone in a comfortable place I feel safe in.

That's not some psychological issue, its just me having a preferall for a little solitude ever now and then

I mean super man had a fortress of solitude and you don't see batman badger the guy about it?. Heck even batman has his bat cave!.

Okay okay, maybe using fictional characters as examples for a healthy mind isn't a strong base to stand on but you get my point.

I'm reclusive, not a full blown shut in, antisocial or god forbid a emo.

Just a little reclusive.

Oh and a friends list in a smaller number than the fingers on my hand.

Is it sad that the only numbers I had on speed dial use to just be my parents and 911?

Yeah, it probably is.

Okay now that introductions are over for now let's get back how my boring life suddenly went crazy.

I'll give you a hint.

If my life was quite.

They were loud.

XXXXXXXXXXXC

it was like every other day in school, being a freshman meant I was basically at the bottom of the peck order in highschool, and being a guy who kept to himself 24\7 I was practically a wall flower, if not a ghost socially.

I mean its already been a while since the semester started and the teachers still had confused looks on their faces when they say my name during the morning attendance calls.

Was Colin really that much of a forgettable name?.

I mean I actually took a little effort to at least look somewhat noticeable this year, I mean I'm wearing a black sweater.

Black sweaters are still cool right?

Or was it fidget spinners?

Yes future grandkids, your pop-pop's generation is weird. Extremely so.

Anyway, today was a little more "exciting" than usual. It was the night of a talent show and unfortunately my mom somehow got wind of this and decided it was just perfect for me.

Nothing say's socializing more than a long night of publicly humiliating myself on stage infront of the whole school, right.

Gee thanks mom.

I mean I didn't even have a special talent, well unless blending into the background was a talent?.

Maybe I should of tried being a ninja instead of magician?.

Oh, magic?, yeah it's a little hobby I did for a while back in middle school, I mean I liked harry potter alot but wasn't really all that into it outside of common tricks like the water spray flowers, pulling random stuff from my hat and and a few visual illusions.

I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty bad at it and definitely wasn't gonna be the next Chris angel, but it was nice you know.

I mean I still had alot of stage fright going into it but I actually think I did okay out there, I even got a few claps from the crowd.

The loudest of which was my mother in the front seats cheering over and over again "that's my baby! ", while dad was recording with his camera and giving me a thumbs up.

Thank the lord I didn't already have a social life, or else that would of killed it.

Walking off the stage more than a little embarrassed I sat down at a row of seats reserved for contents and tried to calm my nerve's with some bottled water the school had out.

It was my first time really making a public spectical of myself, even if it wasn't voluntary. I mean yeah I was still a little antsy even after my performance but it wasn't as bad as I originaly thought it was gonna be, so I guess I got a little bit of a confidence boost.

Note to self never let mom know.

I mean, sure I'm not even close to winning this talent show and if I'm completely honest here I wouldn't even make the top real winner was probably gonna be the girl sitting a couple seats left of me rubbing her guitar.

I mean I'm not really into music myself muchless rock, but man... Her guitar solo easily blows everyone else's performancecs out of the water.

The crowd even chanted for two encores.

Yeah I pretty much stood no chance.

But hey at least we all get participation medal's..

And on the bright side I wouldn't be the worst on stage tonight, oh no that honor went to the last contestant who walked out on stage with a wide buck toothed smile carrying a box.

I didn't know her name at the time but I faintly remember seeing her around the neighborhood a few times, I mean like I said I don't like to leave the house much so I'm not completly sure.

maybe she's one of the Jonhson's kids?

No wait, the jonhson's only had boy's.

Whatever.

It started out okay enough I guess, I mean I thought she was just gonna do what most of the other girls went on stage did by singing a song or dance.

Those seemed to be very common.

there was even that one hot but kinda ditzy blond cheerleader who started body rolling and twerking while in her uniform.

Yup that girl definitely got my vote and probably the votes of most of the schools single male population.

The same girl with guitar was laughing up a storm when the blonde's dad rushed up on stage with a blanket to cover up the girl's modesty.

Guess the two girls must know each other?

But anyways back to the last contestant. She opened her wooden box and pulled out possibly the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

A puppet.

What followed next was a long string of painfully cringy joke's where she would have the puppet deliver the punch lines in a pretty uncomfortable to watch ventriloquism act.

I swear that puppets eye's were on me the entire time!.

She ended her act with a old fashion pie to the face gag, I mean sure it would probably be kinda funny if she targeted the pie at one of the audience but when she instead pied herself pretending the puppet did it, it was kinda no surprise nobody laughed.

Even from just my seat I could feel the wave of awkwardness the crowds silence was causing, I mean my legs still felt like jelly after my performance and I at least got a couple claps.

But to have an entire room dead silent?, man that gotta really suck. An it showed, she was putting up a good face by just standing there smiling at the silence but as a reclusive guy with his own embarrassing hobbies I can tell this bomb was gonna be a serious blow to her self esteem.

I'm not sure why I suddenly started clapping.

Maybe I was just trying to be nice for once and do something positive.. Or i just plain felt pity.

Yeah it was probably pity.

In my head I thought 'hey, why don't I start clapping first then maybe the crowd would start clapping along with me slowing into a long wave of claps and applause for her efforts of at least trying?'.

Clearly, I've been watching too many 80's film's.

No, instead of that 80's classic scene of a cheering crowd started by one guy standing up and clapping , I stood there like a complete idiot clapping away with a extremely forced smile on my face.

I could practically FEEL all the eyes in the room zero in on me as I clapped robotocaly while staring at the stage.

No I wasn't being brave, I was just too stiff from freight at that moment to stop clapping and kept on going until my knees finally gave out and I fell back un my seat sweating bullets.

Oh dear lord, did that really just happen?.

Even the girl on stage with freaking PIE on her face was looking at me funny!.

And then the strangest thing happened.

She laughed.

It started out as a small snort that grew into giggles then became a full on belly laugh, the laugh must of been contagious too cause soon the crowd started joining in.

Weather it was it was about her act or just how anti climactic my little clapping was I wasn't sure, but I did know one thing for certain as I sank down in my seat trying to be as small as possible.

Today was the day I'd remember for the rest of my life.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Thank god for weekends.

Not only were they a legitimate excuse to be lazy for two days but they also mean no school, ordinarily I'd just be glad to be out of school for the sake of avoiding classes and teachers for while.

But now it's to avoid the embarrassment.

My flawless reputation as a wall flower was completely tarnished after what happened at the talent show yesterday but not because of my magic act but because of my applause at that girl's performance.

All night I had to pull my hoody up over my head to hide my face as people were giving my odd looks or gestures ranging from chuckles to thumbs up, even a few pats on the back by a couple seniors who winked while saying vague stuff like, "go for it man", "you got this brah" or "now that's commitment, wish my BF was like that "

What the heck?!

Did these morons think I was dating that girl!, I didn't even know her!

my parents we're even worse!, mom kept going on and on about her "baby boy finally having crush" the entire drive home while dad grumbled about loosing 100 bucks on a bet with mom that I was secretly gay.

Dear lord make it stop!

I didn't even wanna know how far this was going on the internet, I mean if you hadn't noticed we we're at a highschool filled with teenager's who have there phones glued to their hands at all times.

No dough what happened was probably recorded and shared dozens of times by now. I spent most of the night in my room with pillows over my ears trying to ignore my mom calling up some of our relatives telling them the "great news "

And collect more cash.

Apparently my dad wasn't the only one who lost the (is he into girls or not) bet.

Uuugh!.

Seriously, even grandma was betting against me being straight!.

Was this because I liked playing with barbie dolls when I was little?, I was only 6 dang it!, I thought they we're like female G. I. JOE's!.

With pink skirts...

And sure there was that time when I was 8 and I tried dressing up as Dora the explorer for Halloween. But that was only because it was the easiest costume to make!.

So what if I wore it for 3 holloweens in a row, that meant nothing!. Nothing I say!

Hey Future grandkids, you guys currently reading this is Proof your pop-pop ain't like that!.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

After a long long loooong night it finally morning and my lord was I tired. I had stayed up half the night replying in my head how badly I humiliated myself.

My parents were never gonna let me live that down and unless a mass shooting happens soon I'm gonna be the talk of the school for a while.

Ugh!.

Getting up with a irritated grunt I got off my bed and made my way down stairs for something to eat, sure I'd of liked to brood in my room alot more but I was hungry and the stash of junk food I usually kept in my room had ran out the day before.

Note to self, restock the Dorito's stash.

My house was actually pretty big for a family of just 3 people, 2 stories and way more rooms than we ever needed.

Even a small swimming pool out back.

No we weren't rich or even upper middle class, we just kind of inherited the place from my great- grandpa who built the place back in the 50's.

He kicked the bucket before i was evjustorn but from what my dad always tells me I was better off not knowing the guy.

The real rich stuck up type dad always said, the kind who always wore a expensive suit and worked in politics or whatever. He always joked that Scrooge McDuck was a parody of the old geezer.

When he finally crocked his wealth (the legal wealth) was divided up and split with the rest of the family.

Sure we didn't get a dime of the money but this old summer home of his was a pretty good consolation prize I guess.

Mom as usual was already up making breakfast when she spoted me trying to sneak into the fridge for some donuts dad had picked up from the store a few days ago.

Before my greedy little mits could even touch one mom grabbed me out of nowhere into surprise morning hug then dragged me away to sit at the table.

She seemed to be in a really good mood this morning, no dough had something to do with stacks of filler bills bulging out of her pockets. Seems she really hit the jock pot with her bet.

This woman was gonna be the death of me.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom as much as your average kid should but I really really really didn't want to go through and entire morning of her usual antic's today.

Lord only knows what she had in store for him after yesterday.

"How many pancakes do you want honey?" she asks flipping another stack of the stuff on a place that was placed at dad's seat.

Sighing like always I just went along with it and answerd that two was fine.

This for some reason got a mischievous smile to form on my mom's face.

Oh here we go...

She laid a plate down serving my breakfast.

It was two heart shaped pancakes with a maple syrup arrow on top of them, one had my name on it and the other had the words 'daughter in law'.

My eyelid twitched a little bit from just looking at it.

Wheather she didn't see how this would bother me after last night or just plain didn't care if how i felt I wasn't sure, but clearly mom was looking for a response out of me.

Maybe if I had more sleep I'd be blushing up a storm of embarrassment then lock myself away in my room.

But right now I'm hungry and too tired to play into one of her games, so with a shrug I dug in and started wolfing down the food.

Mom pouted, seems she was expection a different response?.

Soon dad came down and we all we're eating as usual, well not really usual I guess, I mean usually I'd be eating in my sanctum of solitude watching power rangers on a Saturday morning while eating whatever I could grab from the kitchen.

But I guess this wasn't so bad, you know if you ignore all the light teasing my folks would pass around at my expense.

It was after their 5th jib that we heard the door bell ring.

Mom looked to dad, then dad looked to me.

I rolled my eyes.

And people said I was lazy.

Getting up from my chair I walk to the door, and considering how early it was this probably was gonna be some random salesmen, I was half expecting it to either be a relative coming to pay up mom's winnings... or a serial killer? .

Please be a serial killer.

But no unfortunately is was no axe wielding maniac, nor a relative with warped views on my sexuality.

Instead it was some white haired kid?.

At the sight of me the kid probably no older than 11 smiled showing off his chipped tooth.

"Uh, can.. Can I help you? " I asked the boy.

"Oh yes you sure can, but first I'd just like to say congralations, not many guys get this opportunity, but you already won mom's approval so don't worry you've already gotten passed the hardest in the family besides dad to impress" the boy said in a long string of words.

The heck.. Was he even talking about?.

" all you've got to do now is convince everyone else and you're in the clear, I mean after yesterday I'm sure something like this will be a cakewalk for you"

Ever word out of his mouth was making even less sense by the second.

"I mean you've actually gotten waaaaaay farther than any guys usually does, and its just been one day!. No seriously there's this one guy named bobby who had to wait like 4 months before he could even have my oldest sister's phone number much less anyone's approval-"

What...?

"-But after 2 years dad finally let the guy come in the house without threatening to deport his family-"

The hell,..?

"No its not what you think, its not a race thing nor is he all gungho type of guy or naturally violent. my dad's actually usually a push over, but I swear he turns into Liam nesson from Taken whenever a boy gets involved, er don't tell anyone I said that, mom would kill me if she knew me and Clid watched that movie "

Okay, this wasn't making a lick of sence.

"Wow wow, slow your roll there ah.. -"

"Lincoln " the boy said supplying his odd name.

"Lincoln, I don't even know what your even talking about, what's going on here?" I asked the kid heavily confused.

Without skipping a beat as if he's done this many times already he answered "I'm just here to give you the heads up that my family is gonna be watching your every move and testing you from now on"

I can't even tell you how weird that sounded, so many questions popped up in my head at once, a part of me just wanted to slam the door in the kid's face and just pretend this little albino never knocked on my door that morning.

But a small part of myself was curious.

"What do you mean test?, test for what? "

He smiled again.

"Oh that's simple,they just wanna see if you've got what it takes to be okay boyfriend material for my older sister, luan loud" he said as if talking about the weather while pulling out a picture of himself standing next to the very same buck toothed girl from yesterday.

The picture was clearly taken last night as she held up a participation medal from the talent show and still had pie cream on her... Blushing face? .

"I know it's still too early to tell for sure but i really think it'll work between the two of you" he continued

"Oh and ah look behind it " Lincoln said casually handing me the photo and walk away.

I flipped the photo, there was writing on it.

 _'_ _Good luck buddy, It only gets worse from here - Lincoln loud'_

 _'P. S. Invest in health insurance.'_

It took more than a minute for my brain to even comprehend what just happened and when it finally did I think my reaction was more than justified.

Both my eyelids started twitching.

It was on that day dear grandchildren, that your loving pop-pop nearly had a stroke.

XXXXXXXXX

Authors notes:

Hey guy's, I hope you enjoyed the fic!.

Its a one shot idea pitched by a guy in my neighborhood who really really liked the loud house and wanted me to attempt making a realistic character (Colin) be unwillingly placed in a very hectic to borderline crazy relationship with a character from the show.

We ended up choosing luan because for some reason whenever we drew name's at random we kept getting Lilly as the winner.

And she's a baby so hell no.

Knowing my bro kingunderdog he's probably not gonna give a damn that I post stuff on his account.

I mean if dirty perv can leave his stuff here why can't i?.

As for the man himself kingunderdog?

That guy's been waaaay too busy with school now a days, last time asked about his stories he looked at me like I was crazy the pointed at the crap tone of projects he had to do by the end of the year... Sigh.

Yes even I'm frustrated 😠.

Would it kill that guy to at least update corrupting the innocent already!.

For gods sakes dude is Jaune gonna bone or not!? .

Sigh...

Well see you guys!


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